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<span>2021-09-05</span></div><div class="me-6 my-2"><i class="fa-solid fa-pen-to-square me-1"></i>
<span>2021-09-05</span></div><div class="me-6 my-2"><i class="fas fa-clock me-1"></i>
<span>3 min read</span></div><div class="me-6 my-2"><i class="fas fa-folder me-1"></i>
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<span id=busuanzi_value_page_pv><i class="fa fa-spinner fa-spin"></i></span> Hits</div></div><p>  前几夜就莫名的难以入眠，不知道为什么，就是突然感觉会失去挚爱。从来都没有的感觉，很是害怕。想从字面上找一个词来解释，大概就是你们所说的患得患失吧？可能要怪在我什么都没有的年纪，老天爷却偏偏给了我一个 perfect wife.</p><p>  这种突然很害怕失去另一半的事情，自然也不是很好说出口。但是古往今来，凡是我提前预知到，但没有说出来的事，最后总会应验。我一般不会逆天改命，毕竟凡是总会有因果，改了一件事，也许会引来更大的后果。</p><p>  写到这里又想起了爷爷。爷爷当年肺癌末期，我知道他要离开我了。虽然人老总要走的，再加上重病，但是我还是没办法接受（也许到现在都还没有接受）。于是我求老天爷再让他多活几年，爷爷病发的突然。但是当时老天爷只回了三个字——违天理。我什么都做不了，也没有给他一个满意的成绩。到今天，也没有。爷爷如果还在的话，我都没脸回家了吧。</p><p>  话说回来，我唯一在意的就是爱了，所以突然感觉会失去爱，我一定会说出来改变它。一直想找机会很严肃的跟她好好说，但是这种事谁会当真呢？忘了说了，还有一种情况，如果我预知了某件事，并且为了改变它所以告诉了某人，但是那个人他忘了，那这件事就还会发生。总结出来就是，如果我预知的事，没有第二个人知道或者记得，就会发生。我有好几次都想抱紧她好好的跟她说，但是又怕打扰她睡觉，所以这件事就一直拖拖拖，直到今天，就事发了。</p><p>  本来也不是什么大事情，但是它牵扯到了一些原则问题，就上升到了分不分手的级别。她很伤心，希望我能道歉。我一想，就觉得完了，还没来得及说，就会发生了。但是我现在安慰，一切都来得及。可是思绪总比身手敏捷，突然反应过来，她都委屈的哭了，那一定是我对她太差了。她有一个很好的前任，她一定是又想起前任了。所以也许还是她前任更好。再一想，我现在还有什么，一无所有，每天只有要连累她的无休止加班，窝在一个小公司里被老板骂，每个月那一点可怜的工资在卡上都停留不了几分钟。没有房没有车没有未来。所以跟我在一起有什么好的呢。你们肯定又会说，“只要人家女的愿意就好了啊！”、“你怎么能这么自私呢？”……醒醒吧，2021年了，“没有物质的爱情就是一盘散沙”这个道理我初中就懂了。既然什么都给不了她，还对她不好，让她受委屈，作为一个男人，还怎么有脸挽留？很明显如果有一个人有钱又对她好，她一定会更幸福啊。</p><p>  所以听着她的抽泣声，我就只能躺在一旁痛苦。和当年看着爷爷一样，什么都做不了，也什么都不应该做。我抑制着自己不能发出声，不能吸鼻子，直到不得不吸。我想着以后的每一天再也没有她，办公室里左边她的座位空着，走在路上旁边没有人，骑着自行车后边也没有人，诺大的一张床空荡荡的。甚至那仅有的几张合影上，都消失了一半。现在回想起来，真的很难想象，刚才我是怎么熬过来的。胸口的疼痛和想抱却没有资格伸起的胳膊。这个痛苦的记忆真的很难忘记。</p><p>  最后还是以一个很美满的拥抱结束了这场小小的打闹。但是我都不敢抱太久，好怕又会失去，又好怕她跟着我在一起不幸福。她已经入睡了，但是还留个胳膊等我睡下可以抱着我。我真的不明白，到底是我狠心让她走是自私，还是把她爱在身边是自私？而你们又知道这个“狠心”需要付出多大的代价吗？要用我的那半条命换她后半辈子幸福。如果真的有一天需要这样，我觉得那会是我作为男人做的最男人的一件事了。</p><p>  如果我没有能力守护这一份爱，为什么要把它赐予我？</p></article><div class=py-2><div class="my-8 flex flex-col items-center md:flex-row"><a href=https://b.hui.ke/authors/hui.ke/ class="md:me-4 text-primary-text h-24 w-24"><img src=https://b.hui.ke/bagua.webp class="bg-primary-bg w-full rounded-full" alt=Avatar></a><div class="mt-4 w-full md:mt-0 md:w-auto"><a href=https://b.hui.ke/authors/hui.ke/ class="mb-2 block border-b pb-1 text-lg font-bold"><h3>Hui.Ke</h3></a><span class="block pb-2">❤ Cyber Security | Safety is a priority.</span>
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